"Sick" Nick™
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Post by "Sick" Nick™ on Dec 8, 2010 22:14:04 GMT -5
Dark Angel: NIN! Why didn't you stop him from pinning Nick?
NIN Horror: I... I... Couldn't believe it! CAK hired like 3,000 gay men to river dance. At first I thought it was like a million, but it was only 3,000. And the projector... He was playing a Guatemalan dubbed version of Sex In The City 2! . . . I mean how could I stop him! Now THAT is a finishing move!!!
Dark Angel: And what about the thunder?
NIN Horror: Oh, sorry. I just farted.
Nick pops up.
"Sick" Nick: Aaaahhhh... What happened!?! I had this horrible nightmare... And you were there (Points at NIN)... And you were there (Points at Angel) . . . And there was a cowboy, and a construction worker, and a cop doing the river dance... Man what an odd dream.
Dark Angel: Sorry Nick, but that was no dream! CAK pinned you for the title!
"Sick" Nick: Damn him. Come on fellas . . . TO THE BAT MOBILE ! ! !
Nick hops into a 1970's station wagon with cardboard fins to make it look like the Bat Mobile. NIN and Angel shrug there shoulders and off they are, after CAK!
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Absolute Horror
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Post by Absolute Horror on Dec 13, 2010 2:34:27 GMT -5
CAK is speeding away (in a car of some sort) along the side of the wall inside Citi Field. “Sick” Nick, Dark Angel, and NIN Horror (in the BAT MOBILE~!) are speeding the opposite way alongside the other side of the same wall.
Nick and Angel are looking intense as Nick grips the wheel. NIN looks at them concerned from the back seat, and then buckles his seatbelt.
Dark Angel: Yeah, do it Nick!
“Sick” Nick: I’ve got him right in my sights!
NIN Horror: *gulp*
Dust trails behind both cars as they speed straight at each other. NIN closes his eyes as
~SMASH~
the two cars collide head on! Nick goes through the windshield! Angel and CAK go through their windshields and smash into each other! Their twisted bodies slide off the car hoods and onto the dirt.
NIN unbuckles his seatbelt and wobbles out of the car. He stumbles over and covers CAK, his driver races over to count 1…2…3!
NIN’s Driver: Your NEW FHT Hardcore champion, NIN Horror!
NIN’s driver reaches into CAK’s car and retrieves the Hardcore Belt. NIN stands up holding his forehead.
NIN Horror: My clavicle hurts.
NIN’s Driver: Very good sir, but I think we must now make haste.
NIN Horror: Yes?
NIN’s driver helps NIN hurry away as Nick, Angel, and CAK start to stir…
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"Sick" Nick™
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Post by "Sick" Nick™ on Dec 18, 2010 17:45:39 GMT -5
5 days later, NIN and his driver are standing on a highway looking to hitchhike. Finally after hours of waiting a car finally stops.
Driver: Where you fellas heading?
NIN Horror: Clifton, Tennessee.
NIN's Driver: Clifton, Tennessee Sir?
NIN Horror: That's right. Who would think of looking for the FHT Hardcore Champion in Clifton, Tennessee? It's right off the Tennessee River. No one will find us there!
NIN and his driver hop into the 18 wheeler and the three are off on their trip. As the hours go by and country song after country song chip away at NIN's nerves, NIN finally snaps.
NIN Horror: CAN'T YOU CHANGE THE CHANNEL FROM THIS MINDLESS DRIBBLE!
Driver: Mindless dribble!?! This is Kenny Chesney!!! One of the greatest...
NIN Horror: ... One of the greatest Redneck, Hillbilly, terrorists in the WORLD ! ! !
All of a sudden the driver jams his foot on the breaks, causing the semi to skid all over the road.
Diver: TERRORIST ! ! !
NIN Horror: Yea, terrorist! This music is terrorizing my ears!
The driver reaches for his shotgun, cocks it and points it at NIN and his driver.
Driver: You best be getting stepping.
NIN and his driver slowly back out of the truck as he peels off.
NIN Horror: What nerve. That man has no manors or musical taste!
NIN and his driver continue on to Clifton, Tennessee down the highway, looking to hitchhike. But what NIN doesn't know is that the driver of the semi just put out a bulletin over the CB. The bulletin travels from truck to truck, until word travels to "Sick" Nick.
Another Driver: Nick. Word has it that NIN Horror just pissed off a driver who was driving him to Clifton, Tennessee.
"Sick" Nick: Reeeeeeeally . . . Then off I go!
Nick, who was sleeping in an alleyway, leaps up off the ground sending newspapers all over the place. Nick hops into a nearby go-cart and drives off to Clifton, Tennessee.
After days of hitchhiking, NIN and his driver have finally reached Clifton, Tennessee. The two men head off to an abandoned shack. As NIN opens the door and steps in, the door is forced shut, locking NIN's driver outside. A bag is thrown over NIN's head, before he is shoved to the ground.
NIN Horror: Please don't rape me, Mr. Hillbilly! I'm not your sister! You don't want to have sex with me! Please take anything! Just don't take my anal virginity! I give up, PLEASE!
With that said, a bell is rung.
NIN Horror: What... What's going on?
NIN pulls off the bag to see "Sick" Nick with the Hardcore title in his hand.
"Sick" Nick: Hey, thanks for submitting so quickly, making me a 4x Hardcore Champion!
Nick breaks a wooden chair over NIN's head, knocking him out. "Sick" Nick, with title in hand jumps through a window and runs off into the night. Nick heads to the Abraham Lincoln Library & Museum in Harrogate, Tennessee.
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Post by Trey Spruance on Dec 21, 2010 17:01:08 GMT -5
On the way there Nick suddenly sees a motorbike coming at him at full speed. Trey Spruance jumps off the bike a clothlines Nick to the ground, covering for the 3 count.
Trey: That's just because I do things in style!
NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION TREY SPRUANCE 1x
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"Sick" Nick™
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Post by "Sick" Nick™ on Dec 24, 2010 15:40:26 GMT -5
Trey grabs the title and hops back on the bike. He takes off and heads down the street. Nick hops up, looks around for the first vehicle and grabs it. Nick takes off on a child's tricycle. Meanwhile, waiting at a stop light is Trey. Nick finally catches up. He leaps off the bike, flips in the air and give Trey a Flying Butt Check to the face. Trey falls off the bike as Nick lands on his feet. He turns around as Trey gets up and dusts himself off. The two circle each other before attacking. Lefts and rights are thrown. Finally Trey gets the better of Nick. He throws him through a store front window. Nick leaps out of the rubble and tackles Trey to the ground. 27 minutes passes as the two go back and forth. All of a sudden church bells ring. The two stop. They look at each other. It is midnight. It is now Christmas. Bloody and battered, the two look at each other as if the holiday spirit has entered their bodies. Their tense bodies begin to relax. Trey extends his hand. Nick looks at it and then shakes it. The two embrace each other in a special holiday moment. The war is over . . . . . OR IS IT ! ? ! Nick then Belly to Belly Suplexes Trey into a pile of rubble and pins him, 1, 2, 3!
5x Hardcore CHampion, "Sick" Nick grabs the title, farts in Trey's face and runs away.
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Post by Former FHT Employee Daniel Ice on Dec 24, 2010 23:54:59 GMT -5
Twas the night before Christmas, and on that snowy street "Sick" Nick was sure he had his opponents beat He held the belt aloft, into the air Not knowing that soon Dark Angel would be there.
Nick staggered towards the back alley, nothing to fear While visions of homeless bums danced, drunk off the beer And bleeding profusely from the wound in his skull Nick crawled into the snow, feeling truly awful.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter, And Nick sprang from the snow to see what was the matter. He stumbled up back onto his two feet, And wondered who else he'd have to meet.
Nick grabbed a garbage can and his new title belt With the snow underfoot beginning to melt. But to his amazement, there was not a soul about Nick's brief fear soon turned into confusion and doubt
When suddenly from the shadows, Dark Angel struck Smacking Nick across the head, who screamed out "Fuck!" More rapid than eagles his punches, they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Puncher! now, Hitter! now, Smacker and Basher! On, Wallop! On, Crasher! on, on Pounder and Masher! Leave Nick broken and battered tonight! In the hopes we can make this one quick fight!"
Sadly for the Angel, Nick was a hardcore master, And the simple fact was, in a race, Nick was faster. So across the street and into a toy store he flew, The Dark Angel giving chase, with a referee too.
Nick ambushed Angel at the entrance of the shop Attacking him with a bucket, and then with its mop. Nick then grabbed a toy light sword And with one sick crack, The Angel was floored.
St Nick was not done yet, or so he thought, He went for his finisher, but he was caught. The Dark Angel flung him over his back, And Nick hit some shelves with a horrid whack.
And so Angel attacked! Nick was so bloody! Surrounded on the floor by Buzz Lightyear and Woody! Nick's mouth opened and closed as he struggled for breath, Now Nick's Hardcore title reign looked close to death.
Nick stumbled up into the hand of the Dark One, And in mere moments, St Nick would be done. He was lifted up one handed, right in the air, And slammed down hard next to a stuffed bear!
From then, it looked simple, Angel had the win, As Angel had chokeslammed Nick into his own bin! With the carpet coated in blood and getting damp, Dark Angel made the cover looking to become champ.
The referee bent down and began to count, One... Two... And three! That was the amount! And nodding and smiling, he signalled for a bell Forgetting his place, so instead said with a yell:
"Here is your winner, its the Dark Angel again!, He's won it twice now, he's a conquerer of men!". And the Dark Angel smiled and simply said, "Merry Christmas everyone, even if this place is dead!"
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Absolute Horror
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Posts: 598
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Post by Absolute Horror on Dec 29, 2010 19:07:27 GMT -5
Dark Angel and the referee climb out of the toy store and walk over to the stolen old sedan they used to get here. The ref gets in the passenger’s side as Angel gets in the driver’s seat. He starts up the car, and they drive away.
The camera cuts to a straight on shot of Angel and the ref. Country music is playing quietly on the radio, and neither man seems to be entirely comfortable. The ref eventually speaks. Referee: That was pretty good back there. Angel: Oh, yeah, thanks. The awkward level rises again as both men just seem to stare forward. Unbeknownst to them, NIN Horror begins slowly rising from the backseat. He is trying to be stealthy, and spots the Hardcore title belt on Angel’s lap.
NIN slowly brings his arms up as Angel has a revelation: Angel: Didn’t this car have headrests earlier? Suddenly NIN springs into action and locks Angel in the Sleeper Hold! NIN wrenches in the hold as Angel takes his hands off the wheel. Angel grabs at NIN’s arms as the car starts swerving. The now terrified ref grabs the wheel as Angel starts going out. Angel tries to pull off NIN’s arms, but can’t get a good hold because of NIN’s Dior Homme jacket sleeves.
Angel starts blacking out, and then goes limp. NIN yells at the ref to count out Angel; the ref reluctantly lets go of the wheel to lift up Angel’s arm. It falls, and the ref counts 1! The ref lifts Angel’s arm up, drops it, and counts 2! he lifts Angel’s arm a third time, drops it, and counts 3! Referee: Your winner and NEW FHT Hardcore Champion, NIN Horror! The ref hands the title to NIN, who then lifts it up in the air/smacks it against the roof of the car. The ref awkwardly holds up NIN’s arm as NIN celebrates, but then they both start screaming. Their car smashes into a steel guardrail and all three men fly out through the windshield!
They go off a bridge over a highway! Dark Angel crashes on the pavement! NIN and the referee and the cameraman land on an open-top truck carrying pillows and stuffed animals! They look back at Angel as cars swerve to miss him.
They turn back around and start laughing. NIN hugs the Hardcore title as the cameraman catches a highway sign: Memphis International Airport 66 miles away
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"Sick" Nick™
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Post by "Sick" Nick™ on Jan 2, 2011 18:14:23 GMT -5
The truck finally comes to a stop in Orlando, FL... Did you really think the truck was going to the Memphis International Airport?
The truck driver pounds on the back window to wake up NIN, the cameraman and the ref. The cameraman points the camera at NIN as he is sleeping. There is NIN with his thumb in is mouth, sucking away, and a stuffed rhino in his other arm.
Referee: Ahhem!
NIN pops up, realizing he is sucking his thumb.
NIN Horror: Uhh... Uhh... I had something stuck in my teeth... Yea, my teeth.
Then, a faint sound starts to get louder. As the sound gets louder, it is distinctly "The Ride Of The Valkyries" by Robert Wagner. From the sky, sailing in is "Sick" Nick with a parachute. He is holding a boom box that is playing the song.
NIN Horror: How does he always find us!?!
Driver: I sent him a message on Twitter.
NIN Horror: Damn, everyone has a Twitter account these days!
As Nick slowly floats to the ground, NIN is sitting on the back of the truck, looking at his watch.
NIN Horror: Any day now.
As Nick makes his triumphant descent, NIN punches him in the groin as Nick is mere inches off the ground.
"Sick" Nick: OOOWWWWW! Damn, that hurt. Couldn't you wait till I hit the ground?
NIN Horror: No, I really have to pee. so lets make this quick.
Nick gets up and flings the boom box at NIN's head. The box smashes into pieces as it bounces off. Nick bulldogs NIN face first into the street. Nick quickly rolls NIN over for the 1, 2, 3.
"Sick" Nick grabs the hardcore title for the 6x and runs off giggling to see Micky Mouse.
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Post by Ace Andrews on Jan 3, 2011 4:23:23 GMT -5
As Nick dances his way into Disneyworld, he spots Mickey Mouse who waves at him
'Sick' Nick: "Oh My Gawd! Mickey! I Love You!"
Nick races over to Mickey, who high fives him, and then points at his belt and waves. Nick is still all smiles and nods his head.
'Sick' Nick: "Thats right, I'm the Hardcore Champion!"
Mickey keeps smiling and then suddenly boots Nick square in the nuts. Nick drops his belt and drops down to his knees, looking up at Mickey, his entire love for Disney being questioned as he stares at the mouse who has committed an act Benedict Arnold would be proud of.
'Sick' Nick: "W....hhhh...yy?"
Mickey suddenly shrugs and points behind Nick, and Nick staggers to his feet and turns just in time to eat a boot from Ace Andrews! Ace adjusts his suit, and then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of notes, handing them to Mickey.
Ace Andrews: "Because everyone has a price for the Billionaire Brawler."
Ace then covers Nick and Mickey drops down and counts. ONE...TWO...THREE! Ace is the new Champion. Ace quickly picks up his title belt and then darts off into the park, buying a costume and hiding amongst the many life-size dolls in the park, confident he is well hidden.
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Absolute Horror
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Posts: 598
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Post by Absolute Horror on Jan 4, 2011 20:13:01 GMT -5
“Sick” Nick has since recovered and is running around Disneyworld looking for Ace Andrews. Nick searches in the lines, on the rides, and in the many gift shops. But the day goes on, and Nick is unable to find Ace. The park closes, and security has to escort an irate Nick off of the property.
The scene cuts to the performers’ locker rooms. A man in a Scrooge McDuck costume waddles across the room and sits down on a bench. He pulls off his head, revealing himself as FHT Hardcore Champion Ace Andrews. He takes off his costume hands and lets out an aggravated sigh before kvetching.
Ace: Oh my God this place is the devil! The idiots, the human trash, their petulant brats; to hell I say! And this ridiculous costume, I’ve never felt more humiliated in my life!
A performer in an Alice, from Alice in Wonderland costume sitting on the other side of the bench concurs.
Alice: Ugh, tell me about it.
Ace’s face twists in confusion as he hears a familiar, mannish voice. He and the Alice performer turn around, and Ace comes face-to-face with NIN Horror! Ace looks up and down NIN’s ridiculously wrong outfit and belts out laughing. NIN grabs Ace by the ears and hits him with a headbutt!
Costumed performers in all manners of undress starts screaming and running as Ace and NIN start trading fists. NIN knees Ace in the gut and smashes his face against a locker. NIN drags Ace, who waddles across the room, and tosses hi face first into the huge mirror. It cracks as Ace drops down to one knee. NIN grabs a hairdryer and smacks it over Ace’s head. Ace falls to the floor and NIN drags him a few feet away from the sinks. NIN goes for an elbow drop, but Ace rolls out of the way. Ace grabs a wet bar of soap as NIN gets up. Ace rubs it fast on the floor as NIN gets back on his feet. NIN walks over to grab Ace, but he slips and falls.
Both men get back on their feet and Ace catches NIN with an elbow. Ace grabs NIN by the hair and tries to slam him into the mirror, but all he gets is wig. Ace cocks an eyebrow as NIN feels around on his head. NIN catches Ace with an eye rake and drags him out of the locker rooms.
The camera cuts to inside the park as NIN and Ace burst out of a door marked “Employees Only”. They trade fists as two security guards ride up in a golf cart.
Gaurd: Hey, what’s goin’ on here!
The two guards get out and try to hold Ace and NIN back. NIN grabs a stun gun from his guard’s belt and shoots it, but Ace dives out of the way and NIN shocks one of the guards! Ace boots NIN in the gut and jumps in the golf cart. He starts driving away, but NIN catches up and jumps on the back of it. Ace speeds (in the way that a golf cart can speed) across the park as NIN punches him in the back of the head. Ace reaches back to swing at NIN, and barely misses some janitors.
NIN reels back to hit Ace, but stops and yells. Ace turns around and yells as they crash into a gift stand! They fly out of the golf cart and get buried in cheap Disney crap. They pop up out of the rubbish and start swinging stuffed animals at each other. They slow down as they realize what little damage plush Goofy dolls do. They look around desperately for a harder weapon. Ace points:
Ace: That’s a good one!
NIN’s eyes light up as he turns around. He sees nothing as Ace flops over the counter and waddles away. NIN turns around and shouts and gives chase. Ace runs as fast as he can in big fluffy duck feet but NIN catches up. NIN leaps and grabs Ace by the tail feathers. They fall to the ground and NIN crawls over. NIN hits ace with a forearm, and then gets back on his feet. He drags Ace up and hits him with a chop, but it’s softened by the costume. NIN boots Ace in the gut and sets him up for a Piledriver. Ace blocks it, and counters with a back body drop.
NIN hits the concrete ground as Ace catches his breath. He turns around and stomps on NIN’s head with his duck foot. Ace drags NIN up and sets him up for the Vegas Special. NIN blocks the Double Arm DDT, counters out, and nails Ace with the Uraken (spinning back fist)! Ace stumbles, NIN catches him, and hits him with a SAMBO Suplex on the concrete ground! The FHT Hardcore title falls out of Ace’s costume, and NIN goes for the cover. A dark blue sleeved arm reaches from off screen and counts the three!
NIN: Yes!!!
NIN grabs the Hardcore title and lifts it in the air. The arm from off screen lifts NIN’s other arm in the air~and then puts it in a handcuff! The camera pulls out quickly to reveal that Ace and NIN are surrounded by police! NIN looks around and gulps as Ace stumbles back up. Ace looks around, and at NIN in handcuffs, and puts two and two together.
Ace: Heh, keep up the nice work boys.
Ace reels back to punch NIN, but all the cops pull their pistols on Ace. He pauses, looks around again, and puts his hands in the air!
…
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"Sick" Nick™
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Post by "Sick" Nick™ on Jan 23, 2011 14:08:35 GMT -5
Almost 3 weeks later, we cut to a correctional facility in Florida, where NIN Horror is standing in front of an officier who is handing him his belongings that he came in with.
Officer: One wallet with driver's license and $13.26 in it. One pre-chewed piece of gum, wrapped up in a napkin. And one FHT Hardcore Championship.
NIN takes his items and exits the facilities. As NIN exits the gates, he stretches and looks around. All of a sudden a car pulls up and the door opens. Confused, NIN gets in.
NIN Horror: YOU!
"Sick" Nick smiles and floors it, sending the car flying into a wall. NIN, who isn't wearing a seat belt crashes through the windshield and lands 20 feet in front of the car. A woozy Nick, who was wearing his seat belt, gets out of the wrecked car and stumbles over to the fallen NIN Horror. Nick falls on top of NIN as an ambulance pulls up. EMT workers jump out of the car and quickly make the count.
EMT Worker: 1, 2, 3!
The 7x hardcore champion, "Sick" Nick, gets up as the EMT Workers quickly load the broken NIN onto a stretcher and cart him off to the emergency room. Nick stumbles off down a Florida highway, into the sunset.
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Post by Trey Spruance on Oct 5, 2011 13:43:02 GMT -5
Trey Spruance appears on a motorbike.
Trey: It's just you and me now Nick, the last two warriors to still be after this belt.
Nick: Awww shit, I figured I'd be the last Hardcore champion!
Trey jumps off the motorbike and kicks Sick Nick in the balls.
Trey: You figured wrong!
Trey grabs a chain off the back of the bike and starts choking Nick with it, eventually Nick has no choice but to tap out.
Trey: Did anyone see me win this?
Trey holds up the hardcore belt.
Ref: Yeah yeah I saw it now go away I was in the middle of a wank...
Trey: Time for a celebratory joint.
Trey sits on top of the twitching Nick and starts rolling himself a spliff in the setting sun...
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"Sick" Nick™
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Post by "Sick" Nick™ on Jun 2, 2013 13:28:26 GMT -5
After 20 months of sitting on top of "Sick" Nick and smoking a joint, Nick finally rolls Trey up in a School Boy for a... One... Two . . . THREE!!!
The now 8x champ grabs the belt and power walks his way down a very busy highway.
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Post by Trey Spruance on Jun 12, 2013 18:36:02 GMT -5
Trey chases down Nick on his motorbike.
Trey: It's over Nick, I am the last ever hardcore champion.
Nick: No way.
Trey kicks Sick Nick in the groin and DDT's him onto a bottle of beer.
Trey: Count ref damn you!
Ref: Sorry I was eating a burrito.
Trey hooks the leg and gets a 3 count.
NEW FHT HARDCORE CHAMPION TREY SPRUANCE X3
Sick Nick twitches amongst the broken glass.
Trey: Don't feel so bad Nick, it had to end this way.
Trey sighs and starts rolling another joint.
Trey: Now don't tell me you're going to try fight back for this.
Trey points at the belt.
Trey: It's mine. GODDAMMIT NICK IT'S MINE, ALL MINE! AHAHAHAHAHA!
Trey lights up his joint and heads to the nearest strip bar to celebrate.
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"Sick" Nick™
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Post by "Sick" Nick™ on Jun 13, 2013 19:21:37 GMT -5
not able to find a strip club, trey heads into a walmart to check out the over weight single moms, who reveal way too much in their short shorts.
while ogling an unattractive mother of five in the toddler section, trey leans on a rack of boy's pants. all of a sudden nick comes up from behind and whacks trey in the back of the head with a discounted tricycle. trey hits the ground hard and the five kids count . . . 1 . . . uuuuhhhhh . . . 18 . . . . . 7 . . . uuhhhh . . . d . . . . . . . . THREE ! ! !
the 9x champ grabs the title and a walmart flier and heads to the automotive aisle to take a dump.
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